eldritchinc | rp post

I mean, do you want me to go invisible now? Seems kind of, uh, rude. Kind of a waste of spellpower.

No, I don't really want.

[A moment, glancing down, and then they offer the pop tart.]

I would love to go invisible today. It really seems like a waste?

Yeah, if we're going to be conversing. If I'm invisible, where are you supposed to look?

[. . . he. blinks at the pop-tart. and then takes it and immediately begins eating. after chewing some:] Oh my God, I'm starving, actually. You wouldn't believe the level of hospitality over there. Meals are not included.

Edited 2020-10-12 04:14 (UTC)

It'd probably be like talking on the phone.

[Good, something finally happens today to get their tail to calm down.]

That's true. Newspapers are pretty notorious for not having breakfast buffets.

I mean in the place the Host was keeping us, too.

From what I saw, you were being pretty critical of them. That doesn't always inspire people.

Need a place to vent?

I tend to be really critical of kidnappers. Just one of my little idiosyncrasies.

[DRAMATIC SIGH. finishes the pop-tart]

What would I even say?

[They smile, because aw. What if Johannes grouching about people being stupid means there's nothing left for venting?

But there are some serious things to mention, too.]

You could say something about how you told me you were worried and we still let you go home with just Consequences.

That one's sort of on me. I was going to move to a better place, but . . . I procrastinated on it.

Seriously. Don't worry about it. If I thought you'd made an error in judgment, you'd know.

Okay. Only looking forward.

I could get you some things for next time. Better locks?

[Wouldn't stealing home security items be the perfect irony?]

I mean, it wasn't the locks that were the problem. It was my fatal yet inexplicable weakness to groups of heavily armed Host enforcers jumping me on my commute.

. . . Still, you can check out the ones at my new place if you want. Later. I have to assume the bosses accounted for that in company housing, but it couldn't hurt.

[removes glasses, cleans glasses, replaces glasses. thinking]

Uh, I'm still kind of hungry.

I'll check them. It doesn't feel right to let it go twice.

[Even if the company's on it, they want to feel like they're helping.

But he says he's hungry, and that Panera gift card from the the time Johannes bludgeoned someone to death with magic missile appears in Tandy's hand.]

I have something.

[HONESTLY WAS KIND OF WANTING SUSHI but he does not have the heart to even hint at not being psyched about the panera gift card.]

. . . Great. Works for me.

[there's. probably an eldritch panera in walking distance of the hq.]

[They would take him there! If he reminds them! But it is true that they are invested in feeling like they are Helping with this. They'll gesture, and walk, and ask:]

Did you really have to reset routers for them?

They started with trying to get me to hack Venus and W&O, but I wouldn't do it. So then they wanted me to address vulnerabilities in their system, which I also wouldn't do.

And then eventually they were just like, "Johannes, I locked myself out of my iPad for four thousand years. Johannes, my fingers are too big to press the little reset button on the router, and I've never heard of a paper clip. Johannes, why does my mouse, which is not plugged in, not work?" And I had to be like, "I don't know, why don't you try deleting your system32 directory? Have you tried submerging the device in holy water?" I lost brain cells, I swear—I'm down fifty IQ points just from proximity.

[They are sympathetic, but also. Delighted by the fact that Johannes is back to tirades.]

It sounds like that was even harder on you than the group of heavily armed enforcers jumping you.

I'd take enforcers literally any day.

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